You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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