I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
