She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
