He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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