Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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