Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
