she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
