those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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