I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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