I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
