this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
