Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
my liver is dry heaving
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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