Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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