Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
