I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
