I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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