I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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