if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
