is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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