Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
