im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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