2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
