Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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