How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
