I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
