At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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