No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
