you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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