I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
