I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i've created a new STD.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
