It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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