Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
