Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The air was thick with penises
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
