he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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