she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
