I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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