Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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