He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
