I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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