who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
