Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
