Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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