That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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