"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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