I hate your face
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
