All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
