Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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