If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
