Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
