I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
