Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
